When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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