party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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