He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
