If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
