i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
