that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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