i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
