she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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