he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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