Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
