she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
