you guys were way drunker than both of me
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
