accomplished twins. life is a go
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
