Capitaan dildo arrescate!
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
