I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
