my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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