There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
