I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
