I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
