I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
