So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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