You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
