Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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