I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
