babies were throwing up all over the place
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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