please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
