I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
