My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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