420 ftw
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
