? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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