In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
