she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
