You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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