If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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