You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
