just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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