it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
