so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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