Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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