Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
