somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
