There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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