What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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