i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
