No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
