im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
