he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
