I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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