2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
