You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
