im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Sober January is a disaster.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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