Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
